I wish to crack codes quicker. To ease this menacing brain that consumes so much of my day. I know there is a message to this head fuckery of a week but there has been no damn delivery yet. I know there is a lesson then the aha moment/s but sitting in this shit really is not great for me. The resilience I have, and share is so small when it comes to me. As if it is yet another thing I choose not to give to myself because someone else deserves it more.

LIKE FUCK!!!!

I know I am worthy; I know that the soul within my body is ancient, I know that I have the power to work on this. Now to link the human brain to that……where is the medicine within my hands to help myself? How is it my medicine and energy can help others without actively doing something but somehow, I cannot do it to myself?

What is my medicine? I’ve questioned this too. One of our coaches has said “it is the trauma that can reveal the medicine you will work with”. I do not have “trauma” as such. I wondered if it was an event for me. Like after Dad died? Or is overcoming so much mental bullshit mine? Perhaps it is finding your north and finding some comfort with spirituality. The coach also said “beneath the surface” which has uncovered some hidden crackers to deal with. As it is there, working through things is when the hard work starts. Dealing with all those hidden emotions, feelings, sayings, connected to everything because it’s all energy. So yeah, was considering some sort of program that works with beneath the surface. But because my brain is in attach mode or being asshole mode, not really the time to sink into some serious creative content.

I’m searching. I am searching for a breakthrough or an actual directed message from my team of guides or totem or power animals……waiting. Doing the journeys, meditation, offerings, journalling, and any guidance given is usually the same. “You can do this”, “cut the bullshit and get doing it”, “time is of the essence”, challenging me or making visits to the sanctuary difficult at times. I have been direct and asked for answers to my questions. – and now I have just been told I sound like I am whinging…….FARKIN HELL!

I know I needed to type this out. Instead of writing the same stuff in my A4 foolscap spiral bound book. My brain is in need of rewiring, pronto. The self-sabotage and feeling like a burden need to fuck off right now!

This one may be good for that: **I destroy and uncreate my relationship to the prehistoric programming of my ancestors. I no longer am requiring the energy of lack, burden, judgement, negativity and self-sabotage, past, present and future in all time, space continuum and in all realities.

**I destroy and uncreate any chords, connections, contracts, ties, binding curses that are holding my human self, my soul, my space, my aura back in all time, space continuum and in all realities.

**I destroy and uncreate any negative energy towards self that has been sent, allowed, given, provided, used, left or found in all time space continuum and in all realities.

**I now place love, creativity, positive energy, sunshine & nature, medicine elder magic, all within these spaces that have been cleared.

**I now declare that moving forward will be actively pursuing my path, working with those who I am able to heal & work with, ensure abundance of finances & adventures and living with purpose while smiling living this life.

**I now surround myself with white light that rises from the earth, into my body and connects me to source.

**I am a vessel of healing light catering for millions of souls. **I now move forward with connection, vitality, calm and invite in guides, totems and allies.

And like that, with clearing statements, I am feeling better. Now to do some clearing for any spirits or entities.

**Any sprits or entities that are not the highest intention or attuned to unconditional love can leave this reality immediately. (Repeat 3 times)

With all that being share and said, I am off to bed. With my white light still glowing.

Hope you enjoyed what was rambled about tonight, ever evolving this life isn’t it?

Peace x

PS: Had any visiting animals today? I had a crow fly over this morning while meditating, a spider web sticking to me and a pesky fly doing its best to buzz and share its qualities.