No one must think like me. I guess they can’t, they aren’t me. Der!

Sometimes when the aha moments or the slap at the back of the head moments, duck they annoy me how truthful their awareness are.

I simply think so different that everyone must be an ok person, yeah? But no, seems that’s not the way. And I am friendly to everyone but too friendly gets you in the shit.

I invite people to join in the fun and I dunno have fun. It seems I have no boundaries and hurt other peoples feelings when doing this. Or seen as micro managing when trying to help out in a workplace. No, I seriously am just helping out.

So I am now sitting, at my shitty outside table, crying and deflated and can see why things can turn bad to worse in a blink of a reaction and worse yet, destructive thoughts of heading to heaven would be such an easy way to end this life so the noise can stop.

I cant please anyone. I can’t be me without a reaction, affect or whatever the fucking word is that’s not coming to my simple brain.

And the message from last night still rings true about doing me. Sitting in the shit, “does this serve me?” I tell what doesn’t, sorting someone else’s life while I really want to be doing what I truly want! Guess that sounds so flipping ungrateful! Thanks to a close friend, now distant, reminding me how I am ungrateful and dont give time to friends or perhaps my full attention.

So, wakey wakey Peta. Something is consistently happening here. You fucking listening yet??

Brains! Fucking hard work! And when you are a fuck up, double the hardness!

The end.