In a realisation in trying to nut this bloody rut out, it has dawned that I am missing working & contact with people. Physical work not housework or working in the yard, physical work that interacts with people amongst the community.I pulled myself away from some activities due to family and others as I felt I had too much on. I am home all day with or without kids and most times I get things done and other times i honestly just don’t do a flaming thing. I think I function better when I am busy as that is really all I have known. From school I entered the workforce the following week and continued working. Then I had children, still worked and now I have 1 or none at home and don’t work unless the few here there clients for Reiki. I don’t mean to boast but there was a year there I catered, I worked for a local organisation and I had 6 kids here with me from 6 months to 4. Go figure? I thrived. I was so flat out, so busy, but the continual momentum was drumming and my heart along with it. But now, I get excited when I have a client but it’s not everyday or constant. And I am not complaining, I just seem to have lost the beat in my heart.

My heart still beats but I cried yesterday when I saw my 2 girls coming to me at school pick up cause I was so happy to see them. So happy to be with my little people and to hear their stories. I look forward to more in depth conversations but sylvanian families and school i will settle for now. The boys are always busy with lego, handball and bikes. Plus boxing and they do love the TV………

I hardly get visitors. Some have returned to work, others have had another baby and other moved away. Maybe I am not approachable anymore. I know people change, maybe I have changed too much……..I do still smile and want interaction with people.

I know that when I discuss things or have that personal touch, I feel better. It breaks the inner me picking on the outer me and being so destructive. Does this even make sense to anyone? I thought have I got depression but I really don’t want to die and this feeling isn’t all the time, it is just where I am stuck at the moment. It doesn’t help when I think I want to do so much and make people better but I simply cannot see passed the how…….most of the time. Dilemma’s of the first world. In my world.

I am so very thankful that my husband has the type of job that has allowed us to buy a house and live a comfortable life even if the ocean view is 8 hours away. Holidays are a must :). Plus who doesn’t like the beautiful view of the sea? Bring on North Stradbroke Island anytime! I am very grateful for the possibilities of what our life can provide and what we have, and of course the family unit of 6. Plus the puppies in heaven that watch over our yard ( I hope).

So, long story over, where to now? Ok, I don’t really know where! I am giggling though! I need to nut things out and talk to my main man and we honestly need to be on the same page. But crikey, if I am going to get a job, I need a resume…..and references……oh gosh, I think I will need help!! Wonder what jobs are really going around? Is this the solution to this rut? Unless I really have gone loopy?? Haha, maybe as I am talking to myself!

Anyways, I can say a talk makes me feel better and I do after writing this. I have wanted to write something all week but not some sob story or woah me. I want to empower people with love and energy but dunno how if I am a bit stuck. You know what I mean? Do you think that what I have could help you or allow you to see the potential that lies under your skin? Maybe I should do some videos? I would love to hear what you think…….and to make me feel a little better, I have friends that see me as a person they look up to. So what  can i do to help me and others?? Many questions to decipher, but just wanting to be honest and to let you guys know where I am at.

Blabbing! I am good for that ! ANyways, have a great day and share some love with whoever you want or able to. The world needs more of it and it always makes the recipient feel amazing. Share it and blab it! Feel it and flow it.

Peace be with you, and may your day be terrific,

Pete xx